The Moment She Knew
by chakun24664
Summary: Post-Reichenbach. It's Molly's birthday. He should have been there. Inspired by Taylor Swift's 'The Moment I Knew'. Slightly one-sided with hints of Sherlolly. Enjoy!


**A/N: Hi! This is my first fanfic. Ever. I just couldn't resist writing about Sherlolly. So, thank you so much for taking the time to read this and sorry for any grammatical errors or such. It's inspired by Taylor Swift's song 'The Moment I Knew'. Hope you like it and feel free to leave reviews and comments. Thank you! - Chakun.**

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The slash of sunlight peeking through her navy drapes told her she needed to get up. Molly Hooper's brown eyes continued to passively stare up at her white ceiling. She'd been awake for hours now after another night of suddenly waking up in a cold sweat. Her lids fluttered shut trying to block out images of dark alleys and blood. A heavy weight suddenly fell on her stomach and she opened her eyes to look into glowing yellow ones. The gray cat stared at her mutinously, waiting for her to feed him. She sighed and ran her fingers through his fur, his purring filling the silent room. Toby pulled away from her fingers and jumped down from the bed, clearly tired of waiting for her to feed him. She smiled as she watched him saunter away, his tail swishing back and forth. A moment passed before she found the strength to carry herself to the bathroom. Facing the mirror, her brown eyes scanned her face critically, noting every wrinkle and tiredness that registered there. Purple bags signalled a night of sleeplessness and there was still the same sad look that had been there for the past year. She sighed and tried to muster up a smile as she whispered to herself.

"Happy Birthday, Molly Hooper."

Molly mindlessly took notes. Seeing and observing everything about the body but not really taking it in. Her mind was elsewhere. Remembering and refusing to remember at the same time. She didn't notice her hand had stopped writing until she was snapped into reality by someone bursting through the door. Her pulse quickened and her eyes, so bleak for the past year, lit up with hope as she turned. Maybe the stars would finally align and lead him here again. It quickly died down as soon as she saw the smiling face of Mary. She was such a fool.

_Don't worry everyone else is compared to me. _

A small smile fluttered over her pale lips. A chuckle escaped her as she wondered whether she was crazy that she was happy hearing voices in her head. But, the smooth baritone was so like him that her heart raced. It had been a year and yet, she was still hoping. She lightly shook her head and turned towards Mary, who was patiently waiting for Molly to acknowledge her.

"Hey." She muttered.

"Happy Birthday Molly!" she cried, throwing her arms around the pathologist.

"Uhmm..thanks." she smiled in return.

"Well, that's a fine way to thank your friend." Mary said as she pushed Molly away from her. Her sharp eyes surveying Molly's face, taking note of the smudges under her brown eyes. Molly looked away and turned towards the table again, trying to break away from Mary's scrutiny.

"Get your things, dear."

Molly looked up in surprise. Her brows furrowed in confusion as Mary stood in an imposing stance in front of her.

"Why?" she asked warily, trying to write down another sentence to her report.

"Isn't it obvious Molly? We're going out!"

"Go where? I'm still not finished with Mr. Stevens."

"It's your birthday for heaven's sake! I'm sure corpses are not the normal companions for a birthday. Besides, your shift's been over an hour ago. Anyway, your replacement's been waiting for you to leave."

"Oh, right. I didn't notice."

"Obviously. Now let nice Andrew here finish the job for you," she said as she gestured towards the young man standing shyly at the corner, "we're going out."

Molly smiled at him as Andrew tentatively approached the body, waiting for her to give him a signal. He was new to the morgue and was shyer than she was apparently. Turning back to the report she was doing, she gestured for him to finish stitching Mr. Stevens up.

Cause of death: Heart attack. Sherlock would have been bored with this one. Her pen stopped for a second over the paper as she felt the now familiar sting in her chest, she brushed it away and continued to write.

"Molls, did you hear me?" Mary's voice broke through her concentration.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. What was that again?" she asked, giving Mary a small smile to appease her friend.

"I said you need to get your things. We need to leave in ten."

"Right, just give me a moment to finish this. You can stay at my office for the meantime."

"Alright, then. I'm giving you five minutes Molly Hooper. If you don't come by then I have the right to drag you out." She said as she marched towards her small office.

Molly sighed and smiled at Andrew as she instructed him on what to do. She quickly finished the report in record time and made her way to the small office, bracing herself for the stressful night ahead.

Mary dragged Molly towards the pathologist's flat clearly in a hurry to party the night away. It was a good thing Molly was able to convince her to go to her apartment first, she desperately needed a shower. The smell of dead bodies and the stale morgue still surrounded her. As Molly opened her flat door to darkness, everything happened at once. The lights went on, a loud burst sounded and all at once people popped up shouting and surprising her.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOLLY!"

Molly stood dumbfounded as she stared at familiar faces. They've got to be joking. She turned to Mary who was in a fit of giggles at her surprised face. One by one the guests approached her, personally greeting her. Mrs. Hudson gave her a hug and placed a small jar of cookies into her small hands. Mary took it from her as Greg Lestrade gave her a peck in the cheek in greeting. Molly smiled back as she felt his slight stubble on her pale cheeks. And lastly, John Watson approached her, a slight limp in his gait. Sadness washed over her again as she saw sadness in his eyes that reflected her own. He gave her a small smile and kissed her on the cheek. He'd never been the same after _his _death, but they all were. Stamping down the urge to run to her room and lock herself in, she forced a smile on her face as Mrs. Hudson and Greg exclaimed over her. The smile on her lips felt heavy and she wanted to wipe off the red lipstick Mary had insisted she wore before she left the morgue. What would he have said if he was here? Molly's smile almost slipped. Why were these thoughts suddenly popping up?

Mary passed out drinks and induced a generally jovial atmosphere. Molly observed her and John. He wasn't the same true, but then who would be? But, slowly, he had begun to relatively go back to his normal self as his and Mary's relationship started to grow deeper.

Her eyes shifted to the kind Mrs. Hudson. The acting mother to the two kids who had lived in 221B. Always so jolly, always smiling. Molly remembered the heart breaking sobs she had let out at his funeral and now, Molly had to hold back her own as she took a sip from her wine.

Thoughts of him were trying to fight through, pushing away the small peacefulness and happiness she had circled herself in. She almost laughed, who was she joking, he was always in her thoughts, be it bringing her the overwhelming sadness and misery or the rare time she remembered him fondly and happily. Molly took another big gulp of her wine. She plastered a smile back on her face as she turned towards Greg.

"Hey." She said. She almost cringed. Why did she keep saying that? Greg's grey eyes stared at her unflinchingly. Molly wasn't scared or nervous anymore that he could see through the cracks of her mask. No one could. The only one who could wasn't there. He continued to stare at her a moment more before he nodded, as if seeing that she was fine and being assured of that by her smile. She was getting good at this. Too good. _He_ would have been impressed. Or maybe not.

"Are you having fun Greg?" she burst out, trying to stop her mind from crossing the oblivion.

"A good glass of wine always guarantees I'm having fun." He replied a devilish smile on his lips as he regarded her. He tilted his glass towards Mary and John at the corner, their heads bent down in a private conversation. Smiles were on their faces.

"Looks like they're doing well. How many weeks has it been since they've started dating?"

"About 8 weeks I think so."

"Ah, yes. Honeymoon phase. Quite sickening, if I do say so myself."

"Yes. But, Mary's been good for John."

"I suppose so. I kind of envy the bugger."

"Don't we all." Molly answered solemnly as she sipped her wine. Their eyes met and they suddenly burst out laughing. It was nice to laugh. Suddenly, the lights went out and Mrs. Hudson came in, her face lit up by the glow of candles on the cake she was holding. They started to sing 'Happy Birthday' with big smiles on their faces as they came around her. Her eyes looked at each of their faces, noting the sadness brought on by his death and the happiness of being there together.

She wanted to hug them and thank them. Molly missed these moments where everyone was at ease and smiling. She missed them being there. She missed _him_. Oh God, Molly missed him so much. Molly almost choked on her forced laugh as she tried to hold everything together. She wouldn't do this to them. Destroying this happy atmosphere would be the worst thing she could do to them. The second worst thing actually. As the final notes of the song began to end, she forced a smile on her face.

He should have been there. He should have been laughing with them, drinking wine with them, making fun of John and Mary's sweetness, maybe even singing happy birthday with them. He should have been making degrading remarks and deductions but they would have forgiven him. They always had. Who wouldn't? He would have greeted her happy birthday. Maybe, he would have given her a gift or kissed her cheek again. She would have felt him in close proximity again. Felt his soft lips brush against her cheek. Inhale his intoxicating smell of spice and cigarettes. He would have been there. Just there. With them. With _her_. She would have been so happy. He wouldn't be dead.

A sob escaped her red lips and her grip tightened around her wine glass. They exchanged looks of worry as they waited for her to blow out the candles or say something. Molly knew she was ruining everything. A sharp sting of pain vaguely registered on her mind as her hands clenched around the wine glass, her fingernails biting into her palm. Greg took it from her, worry etched on his face as he touched her arm. Molly's hand went up to her mouth as she tried to fight back the sobs. She was ruining everything.

"Molly, are you okay? Molly?" His voice barely registered to her. Molly suddenly wanted to be alone. Wanted all of this to end. She wanted him back. She kept waiting for him to come back. She wanted the waiting and hoping to end. As they crowded around her in worry, she sank to her feet and buried her face in her hands, silently muttering all of the things she tried to hide. John crouched down beside her and pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her and whispering comforting words.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just, he should have been here. He should have been here. I'm so sorry." Over and over again she sobbed, letting herself let loose after so many months. As John hugged her to him she could feel his own silent shaking and a wet spot on her hair where he had buried his face. Mary, Greg and, Mrs. Hudson crouched down beside them and wrapped their arms around each other. Tears, sobs and shaking shoulders composed their little group. Molly kept muttering those five words.

_He should have been here._

"Happy Birthday, Molly." A puffy red-eyed John smiled at her as he bid her farewell. Mary held onto his arm. Before she could close the door, John turned back to her and pulled her into his arms again, trying to give her the comfort he knew she needed. Molly hugged him in return, feeling her eyes tear up again.

"Thank you, John."

Molly Hooper sat on her couch and stared out her flat's window. She didn't have the energy to change out of her clothes or take a much needed shower. Her head fell back onto the back of the couch and Toby jumped up into her lap, curling himself up and waiting for her to pet him. She ran her fingers through his fur as she stared at the white ceiling of her living room. A shrill tone broke through the haze. Mindlessly, she reached for her phone and answered it.

"Hello?" She closed her eyes and waited for Mary to say something. She was probably still worried about her.

"Happy Birthday, Molly." She sat up in surprise and stared at the phone for a moment. It was _him_. He didn't say another word as he waited for her to say something in return. He probably knew that she was staring at her phone now. Her grip tightened around the phone as she tried to calm her shallow breaths as she brought the phone back to her ears. His steady breaths over the phone calmed her own nerves down a bit and a small smile fluttered to her lips.

"Thank you Sh-"she stopped herself, knowing it was dangerous for him, "thank you." She once again muttered not finding the words to say to him.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it."

"I'm sorry, too."

Molly regretted her words as silence filled the other line. For a moment, she thought he had hung up but his steady breaths reassured her he was still there. He was still with her. Her brown eyes stung as she fought back her tears, she didn't want him to worry about making her cry again.

"I know. I should have been there." With those words, the tears she held back fell and she could vaguely hear him shuffling in the background. Through her tears she smiled, knowing he was telling the truth. He missed them as much as they missed him. Resounding steps echoed over the phone and she knew he was walking. Fast. There moment together was short-lived and Molly would have given anything for it to last just a few more minutes.

"You need to go." It wasn't a question. He was probably risking his life calling her like this.

"Yes."

"When are you coming back?" She bit her lips as she asked. The second time during that phone call she wanted to take back her words. He paused and she heard him take a deep breath. As he answered she could almost imagine him smiling at the other end and her own smile once again fluttered to her red lips.

"Soon, Molly. Soon." And with that he hung up.

And that was the moment Molly Hooper knew. He would always be there. He was coming back. And, she would always love him.


End file.
